where the heart is
by thequeenofokay
Summary: When she's little she doesn't understand that not everyone grows up with two aunts, three uncles, an absent but fugitive father and no last name. She thinks everyone lives on planes and has visited more countries that most people can name by the time they are five. / / in which Skye has a child who grows up trying to deal with her parents' seriously messed up relationship.


**notes:**

+ what is this. i don't know. i'm very sorry. i thought the last episode would kill my inspiration but instead it just turned it into a weird twisted monster. i have three more extremely angsty fics in the works.

+ basically i got a bit inspired by all the 'what if skye was pregnant' fics. but i took it in a stupid direction instead of an angsty one.

+ i hate OCs too, but she's kinda necessary to the story. sorry.

+ also please ignore the gaping plot holes (like when they would have actually had sex? but lbr we all know it was that closet). i thought i might have gone out of character, but then i remembered the weird characterisation shit that went down in 'turn, turn, turn' and felt okay again.

+ title from 'home' by gabrielle aplin.

* * *

Allie doesn't remember the first time she met her father, but she knows the story. HYDRA caught the team off guard and attacked the bus. They had them all on their knees in the cargo hold. He's leading the team.

"Where's Skye?" he asks, but no one answers him. "Search the plane," he orders, and his men obey.

He finds her. The bathroom door is locked, but he forces it open. She's got a baby in one hand and a gun in the other, pointed right at his face.

Her mother will always insist, with malice in her voice, as there always is when she speaks of him, that he cried. The rest of the team - Allie's family, really - will neither confirm nor deny this. They don't deny that he stormed from the BUS and his men were confused enough that the team took them out.

* * *

When she's little she doesn't understand that not everyone grows up with two aunts, three uncles, an absent but fugitive father and no last name. She thinks everyone lives on planes and has visited more countries that most people can name by the time they are five.

When she was born she slept in a crib beside her mother's bed, but when she outgrew it her Uncle Phil put one of those pull-out beds in his office and she gets his bunk. It's between Uncle Trip's and her mother's. She makes it her own, buying things whenever they touch down. She's got sheets from Egypt, a throw from India, a sheepskin rug from Australia, and trinkets from everywhere imaginable.

When they go on missions she entertains herself. Usually someone is left to look after her, depending who isn't essential to the mission. Often it's Aunty Jemma, who isn't big into combat (but she's getting better, she insists. She trains with Aunty May every day after dinner). Sometimes nobody can stay, and those days Allie's mother insists she stays in her bunk and hides under the bed if she hears anything.

Her family teaches her how to take care of herself. Aunty Jemma teaches her first aid. Uncle Fitz teaches her basic engineering, in case she needs to build an air gun in a hurry. Aunt May teaches her to protect herself, and Uncle Trip teaches her to throw a knife. Uncle Phil teaches her how to talk her way out of trouble and tells her stories of his past. And her mother teaches her to hack a lock or a fairly insecure bank account, because the rest of them have corrupted Allie enough already, what the hell. Her daughter will be _safe_.

* * *

The discussion of where Allie will go to school is a long one. In the end, it's Portland, so that Uncle Phil's girlfriend can keep an eye on her.

On her first day, her mother is late to pick her up. Allie's teacher waits with her at the gate.

"Do you think she'll be long?" Miss Fairfax asks her.

"I don't know," Allie says honestly.

"Is she at work?"

"Yes," Allie says. "I think they were just going to Guatemala today."

"You mean, she had a call with someone in Guatemala?" Miss Fairfax asks.

"No," Allie says, like her teacher is being a bit stupid.

"What about your dad?"

"He might be in Guatemala too." Allie pauses, little eyebrows furrowing. "But we don't really talk about him."

"Ah." It is obviously something Miss Fairfax is familiar with from working with children.

Allie's mother turns up only forty-five minutes late, which Allie feels is pretty good.

"Mrs…" Miss Fairfax begins, then remembers Allie's lack of last name on the register. "Skye, is it?"

Skye nods, scooping up Allie in her arms. "Yes. Sorry I'm late." She smiles, despite a cut lip and a bruise on her cheek. "Work stuff."

"That's all right," Miss Fairfax says. "Allie was telling me."

Skye frowns. "I told you not to talk about my work," she says, bopping her daughter on the nose. She turns back to the teacher. "We're organising an aunt who can come pick her up if I get caught up again," she says.

"That would be good," says Miss Fairfax, who is stretching her legs out, obviously not really appreciating the delay on day one.

They turn away from the school. Lola is parked at the kerb, and Allie climbs into the passenger seat.

"Do we get to fly?" she asks.

Her mother laughs, kisses her head. "Not today, kiddo."

* * *

Allie stays with Audrey whenever her family has to do missions that last longer than a day.

Audrey probably has to put up with a lot, but she doesn't seem to mind. She picks Allie up after school, gets her lunch ready in the morning, helps her with her maths when she gets stuck. She even volunteers to go along to PTA meetings when Skye moans about them at dinner on a Saturday night. (It's a thing: dinner, at Audrey's every Saturday they can all manage. To pretend that there is even a hint of normality to this family which is too big and too weird and too complicated.)

Allie's dad must still have contacts somewhere, because she gets a card from him on her seventh birthday, sent to Audrey's house.

It's got a cat on it, and cats are her favourite animal. Inside, it says:

_ Dear Allie,_

_ Happy Birthday_

_ love Dad_

and then there is a smily face and a smear in the corner which might be blood, she's not sure.

Allie doesn't tell her mother, because she knows her mother will make her throw it away.

As much as Allie wants to hate her father, it's hard to hate someone you've never met. She knows he's done bad things, but she just can't, when all she knows of him are her mother's harsh words.

She gets a laptop for her birthday as well, from her mother. Uncle Fitz gives her a phone that he made specially for her, Uncle Phil gets her books, Aunty Jemma gives her a pet mouse (her mother isn't best pleased with that one), Aunt May promises to teach her karate, Aunty Audrey gives her a teddy bear, and Uncle Trip bakes her a cake.

Her classmates are jealous. It's a feeling Allie is used to. Sometimes she feels like a bit of an outsider, but the feeling she gets when they watch her climb into a 1962 Corvette or listen to her speak fluent French is unparalleled.

(She's always just been a natural at languages, but it makes her mother sad and she's not really sure why.)

* * *

SHIELD is reformed when Allie is eleven, complete with a junior academy for the children of agents.

The discussion of whether or not she will attend this is an even longer one.

"It's not like at her school now," her mother is arguing. The whole team, Audrey included, is gathered around the briefing table. "Everyone will know who she is."

What's left unsaid is _that she is the daughter of a notorious traitor who shot a senior agent and is responsible for numerous other crimes and murders_.

But hey. At least he sends her birthday cards, which is better than what some of Allie's classmates get.

She doesn't says this.

"She'll be around people who understand her," Coulson counters. "She'll learn what it is to be a SHIELD agent."

"What is I don't want her to be?" Her mother is getting angry. "What if I want her to have a normal life."

Uncle Trip laughs. "I'm sorry, Skye. But I think normal is out of the question at this point."

Her mother sighs, putting her head in her hands. She looks tired. "I just don't want her to have to deal with any of this shit."

Aunty Jemma puts an arm around her. "Look at it this way," she says. "We'll be giving her a way to protect herself from it, to prepare herself."

Allie's mother looks up at her. "Alright. What do you want, kiddo?"

* * *

The SHIELD junior academy is a campus separate from the main academies. It claims to be a regular school, which will give its students free choice in what they want to do when they leave, but its coursework is noticeably like a lower level of the curriculums of SciTech, Ops and Communications next door to it. And no one who has ever learned to shoot a gun as a part of Gym or designed the perfect safe house is ever really going to decide that accounting is actually their dream job.

Uncle Phil was right, though. The people there understand her better. Yes, she is famous in her own right, both for being an honorary member of Agent Coulson's team, and the daughter of a HYDRA operative. But when she says, "I think my mum is in Moscow this morning" nobody thinks anything of it.

Anyway, Kira Stark joins her year when Allie is twelve, so that takes some heat off her.

Allie's family visit every couple of weeks, sometimes to whisk her away to Bucharest or Darwin for the weekend, sometimes just to go out for dinner. It's like that with every kid at the academy though. Their parents turn up if and when they can. Sometime they have to stay at school over the holidays, sometimes they get to tag along to half way across the world.

Allie's got a solid group of friends who she can moan about her weird family problems to, and they mostly get it.

"So when you say he betrayed your mom," Kira clarifies, "he wasn't cheating on her?"

They're sitting on the grass at the back of the school, all four of them. Kira isn't quite as in the loop as the rest of the school, since her parents aren't technically a part of SHIELD, so neglect to tell her the gossip.

"No," Allie says. "He was just a HYDRA agent. He wouldn't cheat on her."

"How do you know?" Rae asks. Allie envies her a little for her red locks, which makes her own straight black hair feel boring in comparison.

"He still sends Valentines Day cards," Allie says. Her dad knows her change of address from Audrey's, because the cards have started appearing in her post box at the academy. She doesn't mind the birthday and Christmas cards he sends her. She hides them in among the ones from the rest of her family. It's the ones he sends to her mother via her she doesn't like, because Allie feels obligated to pass them on. Her mother never even glances at them though, just drops them straight into the bin.

(Except once, Allie noticed one left the bin again.)

* * *

When Allie is thirteen, she goes to her bunk to find her mother sitting on her bunk. It's a Wednesday, so she's a little confused, because usually the team only visits at the weekends or holidays, sometimes a Friday if it's a special occasion, so as not to upset her school work.

"We caught your dad," her mother says, with a grin that's slightly unnerving.

It turns out to be a little less dramatic than her mother makes it sound. There was no real catching involved. They found his sitting on a bench opposite Avengers Tower, with a big sign that read:

_ Grant Ward_

_ HYDRA agent & traitor_

_ maybe call SHIELD_

So Captain America himself had phoned up, along with a dozen other members of the public, but her dad had put up no fight at all.

That wasn't really the surprising bit though. The surprising bit was that he wanted to have ice cream with her.

"I said no," her mother says. "No way am I letting that man near you."

Allie considers it for a moment. "I want to," she decides.

Her mother turns to her, frowning. "What? Why would you want to, kiddo?"

Allie doesn't really know how to put it into words. All she knows is that her mother acts like her father is the devil but secretly keeps cards from his, that he was on SHIELD's most wanted list, and that he sends her birthday cards. And Allie can't find it in herself to believe that a man who sends a daughter he's only met once cards every year is all bad.

"I want to know him," she says, because it's the closest to the truth she can get. She wants to know whether her father is the 'love Dad' man or the HYDRA man.

* * *

They meet at a little ice cream parlour in New York. He's sitting at a table by the window when she gets there. There are two SHIELD agents sitting elsewhere in the cafe: one by the door and one a few table behind them. Her dad has a silver bracelet round his wrist, that Allie recognises as one of Uncle Fitz's designs. It's the kind that fries you to a crisp if you go more than fifty feet from your guard.

She sits down, feeling a little awkward, and he smiles at her. It isn't a mean smile, though she can't help wishing it was. It would make things so much easier.

"Hi," she says, not really sure what else to say.

"Hi," he replies. He seems as awkward as her, which is comforting. "I'm, uh, Ward."

"I know," she says. "I've seen you on wanted notifications since before I could walk."

"That was the last time I saw you," he puts in. "Before you could walk."

"Mum told me the story." Now that she's up close to him, Allie can see the resemblance between them that pictures doesn't show. He's tall. It must be where she got it from - she's taller than her mother already, and still going. They've got the same smooth dark hair, too, though his is peppered with grey.

"I'm sure it wasn't very flattering," he says.

"No," Allie admits. "It wasn't."

They order. She gets a scoop of pistachio and one of chocolate. He gets vanilla. "It's a bit boring," he says, almost apologetically.

"No," she assures him. "It's just classic." She smiles, feeling the need to reassure him.

"Did you get the cards?" he asks suddenly, like he's been holding it it.

"Yes," Allie says. "And the ones for mum too." She frowns a little. "But she put them all in the trash, I think."

He laughs hollowly. "I thought she would burned them."

Allie shakes her head. "No."

"How's the team?" There's a funny look in his eyes. Nostalgia, maybe.

"Good," Allie says. She's into something she knows how to talk about now. "Uncle Phil got married a few years ago."

"May?" her dad asks immediately.

Allie frowns. "No," she says, wonderin why he would think Uncle Phil and Aunt May would get married. "Aunty Audrey."

"Oh." He nods in recognition. "Does she play the cello?"

"Yep."

She's definitely starting to like her dad. Which is an odd thought, and also something she never really planned on. But he's got an endearing awkwardness.

Her mother probably won't be pleased.

* * *

Ice cream becomes a regular thing, every Friday in New York. He gets out of prison, where he's awaiting trial. She gets out of Computer Sciences half an hour early, which is fine, because she's pretty amazing at it anyway.

He gets her a real present for her fourteenth birthday.

Her mother gives her a slightly disapproving look when she sees the necklace. "It's nice," she tells her, a little grudgingly.

* * *

Allie is fifteen, and her dad is a week away from trial. He's remarkably calm about it.

"I have a lot of books to read," he says. "Anyway, it's more peaceful than before."

Allie nods.

"How's school?" he asks her.

"скучный," she says.

He nods, smiling proudly. "Your accent is getting better."

"Can we try Arabic next?" she asks. "They don't teach you it until you get into Operations."

He nods. "конечно."

She's about to say something else, when she's cut off by a sharp noise. Machine gun fire.

Her dad curses, pulling her down. Across the cafe, his two SHIELD guards are already dead. "Must be HYDRA," he mutters. "Stay down." He knocks the table down to give them better cover.

Allie rummages in her bag, pulling out her gun. He frowns at her. "Mom makes me take it whenever I come to see you," she says. "In case something like this happens."

"Ah." Her dad nods understandingly. He pulls the gun off the guard two table behind him. Luckily, the cafe had been nearly empty. "Get everyone out the back," he yells to the waiter.

Allie pears over the top of the table. "Ten hostiles. Basic armour package."

Her dad takes a shot. "Nine," he corrects.

"Why are they here?" she asks.

"You don't just leave HYDRA," he says.

They both go up at the same time, each taking a shot. Seven.

Allie is pretty sure this isn't how father-daughter bonding is supposed to go.

There's someone entering the cafe. A man who must be in his seventies, battle worn but still fit. He signals to the men behind his not to fire.

"Garrett," her dad says. "Stay down."

Allie nods, her gun still clutched to her chest. She's still got five shots left, plus another cartridge in her bag. She could probably make it out, if it came to that.

Her dad stands, facing Garrett.

"Ward," he says. "It's been a while." He smiles, unpleasantly.

"Not long enough," her dad replies.

Garrett seems to brush off the comment. "We've come to take you home."

"I told you," he says. "I'm out."

"You know it doesn't work like that," Garrett says. "You've got too many of our secrets to share with SHIELD."

"And I plan on sharing them."

Garrett sighs, heavily. "You were one of our best," he says. "What happened?" He puts a finger to his lips, feigning a thoughtful look. "Ah, I remember. Her." He turns to where Allie is crouching behind the table.

Her dad doesn't deny it, just angles himself so he is more between Allie and Garrett.

"You've gone soft, Ward," Garrett says. "But we can't have you spilling to SHIELD." He raises his weapon.

Allie makes a split second decision. And shoots the man in the knee.

Her dad finishes him off, and Allie winces.

"We need to get out of here," he says. "There'll be more of them. Can you disable this?" He hold up his wrist, showing her the shiny silver bracelet of death. "I know it was your mom's specialty."

Allie doesn't know how to reply to that, but she nods. Seeing Uncle Fitz assemble one gives her a bit of a head start. She cracks it open, fiddling with the wires inside until they fizz and pop. "Done," she says.

"Do you know somewhere safe we can go?" he asks.

Allie nods again. She does, but her mother is going to hate it.

They make it out of the back, hurry down the street. Allie can't see the HYDRA mercenaries, but she knows they must be somewhere behind them. They procure a car (and Allie can't help feel a little rush when he looks at her proudly for boosting it so quickly).

The BUS is parked on a private airstrip about twenty-five minutes away, but they make it in fifteen. Her dad is a pretty good driver. Definitely better than her mother, but that's not hard. Maybe not as good as Aunt May.

The cargo hold is open. They rush up it, breathing heavily. The lab is empty. Her mother is at the punchbag, but the rest of her family is probably away.

"Kiddo," her mother says when she see her. Then she sees her dad. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"There was a situation," Allie says. "HYDRA soldiers started shooting at us."

Her mother rolls her eyes, lips set tight, eyes on her dad. "Of course they did. See, this is just why I didn't want you near him. He's dangerous."

Allie feels the need to defend her father. "No, see, they were trying to get him back, but he wouldn't go," she says.

"Lies," her mother spits, still fixed on Ward.

"I'm done, Skye," he says, taking a step towards her. "I won't go with them. I plan on giving up everything I've got on HYDRA, and hopefully I'll get a fairly nice prison cell for the rest of my days in return."

"I don't believe you. You lied to us before, why not again?" she snaps.

"I'm done lying," he tries to assure her. "Think about it, Skye. Have I ever tried to hurt you? Or the team? I've been trying to get out for the last decade, messing up assignments, trying to get myself caught."

Allie knows that this is true, when she thinks about it. She knows her dad has hardly ever been there when her family is attacked by HYDRA. She also knows that when he is, her mother will snicker afterwards about his stupid mistakes.

"I believe him," she says, a little suddenly. Her mother turns to her, and Allie has the grace to look a little guilty. "I mean, I think he's telling the truth. It makes sense. And he's always been really nice." She breaks off, and her parents go back to staring at each other. It's intense, and makes her feel really awkward.

"I have to ask," her dad say eventually, breaking the silence, "why Allie?"

"It's short for Alexis," Skye says.

"That was my grandmother's name."

"I know," her mother breathes. More staring. It's getting really weird.

"Skye," her dad says softly.

Allie is pretty sure they've both forgotten she's there. "Guys," she says, just to make sure. They don't look round. "Ugh. I'm leaving," she decides, because they're looking at each other now like she might be a big sister soon. She stalks back down the ramp and calls Aunty Jemma to find out where she is.

She doesn't look back, because, well, she doesn't want to be scarred for life.

* * *

**notes:**

+ скучный - boring

+ конечно - certainly

+ if you thought the show was going to make skyeward slow burn, i made them take fifteen years about it.


End file.
